yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
