i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
