It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
