just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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