i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
