I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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