First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
