College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
