we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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