im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
