just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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