Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize