If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
