i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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