I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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