Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
