It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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