so that wasnt chicken after all
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
