my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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