i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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