Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
