Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
