____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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