so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
