Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize