I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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