i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
