This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
