i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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