it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
