Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize