i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
