I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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