can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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