she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
