Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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