So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
