It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
