I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
