Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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