You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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