Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Houston, we have a squirter
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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