I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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