he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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