I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
