see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
