I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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