a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
