I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize