I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
