its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
