She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
