i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
