this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
