everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
