If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i drank out of a bidet.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize