All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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