if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
