found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
