Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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