I heard we made out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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