He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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