Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I use my feet as sexual weapons
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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