is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ugly people sure do ruin things
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
