if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
