He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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