I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
