I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't deserve a penis
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
