There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
