Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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