No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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