why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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