ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
